Fuck this hurts, I won't lie
Doesn't matter how hard I try
Half the words don't mean a thing
And I know that I wont be satisfied
I've opened up these scars
I'll make you face this
I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away
Extracts from Bleed It Out: Linkin Park
I told my flatmates about what happened last weekend. S looked scared and then just looked at me with pity in his eyes. I know it was more because he didn't know what to say. N on the other hand wanted to try and fix me. At least N gave me a hug. It was just so nice. Sometimes I hate being hugged, other times I really need a hug.
I wasn't going to tell anyone about any of this but felt I had too when S caught me with bare arms. Luckily I was in the right frame of mind to move my body in such a way he couldn't see anything. It brought home to me though how easy it would be for either one of them to catch me with naked arms. That's when I felt I needed to tell them. I couldn't have them seeing it and then feeling uncomfortable.
So that's what I did. I talked to them. I spent the rest of the evening freaking out. I couldn't deal with it. Today I talked to M. She helped me calm myself down a little. I just can't believe how much this all takes out of me. Anyway I have made plans for this weekend. I couldn't deal with a bank holiday weekend on my own. It's when I'm alone thing gets worse.
2 comments:
It's for the best that you told them, rather than getting "caught". At least this way you were able to choose the timing, to a degree. And I'm glad one of them hugged you!
I also have a plan for the weekend! Good for us! :)
Hang in there. Stay in control. That's about all the "advice" I can give you.
Wish I could hug you. That would probably help more than anything I could say.
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