Settle down for a moment cause your heart is beating hard
Baby you've been my lover, and I told you from the start
Better no promises, and I'll do you no harm
But you're keen on the question I tell you not to pop
But maybe it's been a hurting, it's been hurting from the start
Do you not coping then tear it apart
Never wanted it this way
Oh baby I'm dying I'm crying over it
Maybe you feel it to, oh baby I'm blue
Soulweaper pt 2: Volbeat
It's been quite something.
I have never experienced anything like this, and I'm not just talking about the sex (and a lot of it). We spend time together and it's so comfortable it's like we've always just been. I struggle with change, always have done. Even the littlest, like buying a new pair of Dr. Martins, or changing my washing powder. It's really hard to do, then the big things happen. Staying at people's houses is one of those things. I have a friend whom I stay with at least once a year as my holiday. I have done this for nearly a decade and it's only in the past three years that I have finally got comfortable with this.
With my man, G, it's different. I never went through that freak out at staying at his. I've only had minor freak-outs when I over think everything. If I can get my head to shut up I am totally comfortable with him and the whole idea of us.
From the start G said that this would not be a long term thing as he didn't want a long term relationship or a long distance relationship. On our last night together, he admitted that he didn't want things to end and that, although he still wasn't hooked on the idea of a long distance relationship, he wanted to see where we might end up.
So this is what we're doing. We are giving things ago. We talk a lot when we can both get online together. I drove up to him for a night just the other week because I missed him. I have never missed anyone as I missed him. And it really wasn't the sex. I just missed talking to him, being in each other's arms as we watched a film, the teasing, playing board games together... just the little things. I really missed them.
Throughout August we were basically living together. Mostly we were at his cos he has a double bed, I still have my single. For a week we were at mine. But the only nights we spent apart were the nights I was away for work. I think it totalled 9 nights in 5 weeks. In the last week whilst at mine he was meant to be looking for a place to live, but never did. He waited until we parted ways and he went to his parents, only then did he start looking for a place to live and started making plans for his move and new job. T
That last week was amazing though. I manged to have a week of no learners and providing it looked like I was working I got away with it. So we had a few days out, played lots of new games that we bought, lots of sex and watching films... just normal every day stuff.
The first night without him was so much harder than I thought. That's when I realised I was beginning have have real feelings. I'm not sure this is a good idea because we both are not sure a long distance relationships is what we want. Yet here we are, in a long distance relationship. I'm going to get my heartbroken, I'm sure of it. Yet I don't want to walk away from this.
He didn't break my barriers, they are still there. He just walked through them all as if they were not there. This confuses the hell out me anyway, and yet I don't often freak out. I get the feeling that this isn't a good idea, I have moments where I know I'm feeling stuff and I try and force these feelings away. I don't want to ruin what we have, it's too much fun.
Neither of us are particularly goo, but our resent time together we have had some goo moments. It's nice.
Oh god, don't let it destroy me when my heart breaks... please.
