Another day.

Come stand beside me
Come gather round me
And heat this cold cold heart
With love inside me
With arms around me
We'll heat this cold cold heart.

I spent the whole day thinking and celebrating my joy from last night. It has really improved my mood I feel on top of things again. I can feel my mood and the darkness disappear with each cut I make. Each droplet taking more and more of the darkness away. I can't believe it took me this kong to feel this good.again, I was a fool. I am not going back and this time I am not sharing this with anyone. I made that mistake once before. Not this time. This time its mine. I keep it and there is nothing anyone can do about it and I love it. It's my secret, it's my joy and the world can just fade away.

There is no need for conflict. There is no need for trying. Just calm, just peace and to let what is happening to happen.

Life is amazing.

Welcome home mate.

He's back!

Speak to me friend.
Whisper...
I'll listen.
I know, I know you've been locked
out of sight
all these years, like me
My friend...

You there my friend
Come let me hold you.
Now, with a sigh, you grow warm in my hand.
My friend!
My clever friend...
Rest now, my friends.
Soon, I'll unfold you.
Soon you'll know splendours
You never have dreamed
all you days,
my lucky friends
'Til now your shine was merely silver.
Friends, you shall drip rubies, you'll soon drip precious... rubies

I finally worked it out.  It doesn't matter how much I fight the depression, it doesn't matter how hard I try to keep myself well and a part of 'normal' society, the depression will always win because I will always get screwed over.  I will always get dragged down and I will always be pathetic, always there for people to walk over me and let me know just how worthless I am, so it really doesn't matter. I don't need to fight. I just let the depression take over and let it take me.  It doesn't matter.

For the first time in four years I cut. It was amazing. I have missed him. I will have more.... and who the fuck care, I sure as hell don't.