My head is annoying!

"cryin', "Love me, love me, do!"
Because I'm heart over head
over heart over head over you.
Too late to stop it now.
I'm heart over head
over heart over head over you."
Bette Middler: Heart over head!

So I've decided that I need to do something about my feelings for S. I need to get them out there and he needs to know. I need the now from him so I can start getting over him and moving on with my life. I know in my heart of hearts that he will say no.

I keep banging on about this, I keep going on about my feelings. I have never felt this strongly about anyone before.... ever. The main problem is that my head takes over and takes the whole situation to places I'm not ready for or to situations that will never happen. For instance I haven't been in a relationship for so long I don't know the rules, when is it okay to kiss them, hold their hands, snuggle into them. How often you go out? What do you share with them, what you don't share with them? What about the L word, when does that come into things?

My head is playing out these situations and they end up really bad. I am either to clingy or I stand back so much he's not sure why we're in a relationship (both these have happened to me in the past!). I play conversations out in my head about things and we end up fighting. I see problems about our relationship and we're not even in one. Personally I'm not sure he would say yes, if he did say yes I'm not sure how I would react. I don't understand why he would want me. He knows what I'm going through, what if he says yes because he's scared about what I might do if he says no. That's no way to start a relationship.

Then there is the whole sex thing. That within itself is a mine field. Then there is the mine field of the fact we share a flat together.

The whole thing is driving me crazy. I have to do something about it. I want to send him a text. Some of my friends say this is okay the others say it's not. I know that I will never tell him face to face, it's too hard otherwise. It's going to be tough doing it via text. The first text I've drafted has been deemed too negative. I just thought I was being honest!

So at the end of the day I know I have to do something, I'm just not sure of the words to use or what will happen afterwards. I don't want to loose what we've got, I just want to take it to the next level. I hope this doesn't ruin things permanently between us.