All and complete change.

Anyone who has been reading my blog for many years when it started over at blog-city, knows that for a number of reasons, one of which is my dyslexia, is that I do not handle change very well.

Over the past eighteen months I have had a lot of change, I changed jobs twice, I've moved three times.... it's been quite a ride.  I had hoped that when I moved into my current house and started my current job I could stay put for a while I get my equilibrium back again.  However this wasn't to be.  Here I am sitting on my third to alst shift at work, knowing that on Monday not only do I move but I also get to change jobs.

My new job is going to be awesome it's what I want in a job.  I will be working in a retreat centre for young people to explore their Catholic faith.  In one year we will see 18,000 young people.  I'm going to be working as senior retreat leader.  It's going to be great.  This is what I'm convinced that the good Lord wants me to do with my life.  The sticky point is the fact that I have to live in community.  I really want my own place but it's just not meant to be.  In it's own time.

However the point of this post is the fact that on Monday I have yet another big change in my life and I'm not sure how well I'm dealing with it.  My sleeping is all over the place, my eating is all over the place, at night when I can't sleep I can feel myself on the edge of a panic attack and I can feel myself starting to cry and shake.  As much as I want my job, and I'm uber excited about it and I truly believe this is right for me I'm not sure I'm strong enough to deal with yet another change in my life in such a short period.

It's been a long time since I've felt settled.  It's a long time since I've really felt safe. When I was in Berkshire, I lived in a house for two and a half years, I did a job for three years.  It felt good even when I was stressed to high hell and my depression was really bad.

All I want is to feel like everything  is safe and secure.

Moving day

I have another blog and it's based over at Blog-City, but it's closing down.  I've been there for eight years but now it's not to be.

So since I already have this blog up and running I'm going to keep this as my main blog, and let blog-city just disappear.  However what I have to do over the next 18 months is get a copy of my blog as I don't want to loose all my post.  It's a long old hall.