Creative Writing

A few weeks back I started to write a peice of fiction. At the moment I've called it the escape. I'm still working on it as this peice wanted to be handwritten, I've got to type it up and add more to it. But here is a small extract.

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Scene setting: Suzi's a bitch. Mandy feels picked on

I've had it now. I pick up one of the mugs I've just placed on the table nad throw it at her. It only just misses. She drops her phone out of shock. It breaks. I smirk.
"Calm down Mandy. Let's talk about his" There is a hint of fear in her voice. I'veoften been told that when I'm angry, I'm the scariest thing on the planet, I'm like a wild animal. Uncontrolable.
"Calm Suzi, I'm perfectly calm." I say in a quiet, steady voice. I start walking towards her, she matches my steps as she moves back. Eventually she his the wall. We stand like that not moving for a while. No other movements or sounds can be heard. Finally I turn my back.
"If you've quiet finnished" Suzi exclaims "Get back to work" I stop walking, my back still facing her. I look ahead of me, there is quite a crownd including Phil, Sean and worst of all Pete, standing out as always with his balck curly hair. I stand there staring at him, making eye contact. he's shaking his head, arms folded.
"She's not worth it Mandy. Are you really going to jepidise everything you've accomplished, because of her." I just stand there. Thinking. Trying to calm down. I take more deep breaths. IT's not working. I feel the anger and the hurt bubble up inside me. I run my fingres through my hair. I rub my face. Breathing slowly and deeply. Pete takes a step forward. I try to calm down. Pete smiles.
"That's my girls" Slowly I walk towards him.
"You're such a brat" I hear from behing me. I spin around on the spot.
"Suzi, shut the fuck up!" Pete says slowly and sternly. Fear immediatly over rkaes Suzi's entire body. "Mandy look at me"
"Yes, Mandy look at Pete" I flip out, I run towards Mandy, pinning her up against the wall, my arm under her neck.
"Everyone back to their rooms NOW" Boomed Pete
"Do you know what Suzi, you're the brat. I'd feel sorry for your new co-workers but I can't. Do you know why?" Suzi shock her head "Because we get rid of you. You have no idea what this job entails. I could do a better job using just my left pinky nail!" Suzi opens her mouth to retaliate
"Don't Suzi" Pete warns. She closes her mouth. I turn around. Pete's close. There is a look of disappointment in his eyse. I puch Suzi to the ground.
"Get lost bitch" I scream. She squels and runs off like the dog that she is. I start to laugh hysterically, Pete moves towards me, by the time he gets to me, I'm crouching on the floor in tears.
"What have I done?" I sob
"You've put the fear of god into someone who deserced it." I start to calm down. I look in to his eyes. They say it all. I'm screwed.
"I have to stay don't I?" he nodds.
"Come on let's go." We walk towards my room, through the court yard,
"She's a psyco, she could have killed me." Suzi's voice boomed out of an open window. I clench my ffish. Pete can see me tense up. he takes my hands. He see's the state of my knuckles.
"Mandy when did this happen" Something in me snaos. I push him away and start to run. Destroying everything in sght. If it could be thrown, I threw it at hims, screaming as I go.
"She did this, I was fine unti lher. Now she's screwed me over, I'm the one being punished. Today was my day. I've worked so hard." I stop as I come to the front dooes. Iv'e not been out of those dooes for Five years. If I go out of those soors, I've really shot myself in the foot. I turn to face Pete. He had a cut on his arm and above his eye.
"Oh God Pete, I'm so sorry."
"I know you are. You can't help it. Let's go back to your room and talk abotu it. Perhaps your day will be next weeks."
"What about Suzi?"
"She won't be here by the end of the day"
"But... But... these feelings..." I struggle for breath. I struggle to see. SHe'll lose her job. She maybe a bitch but she still has a family to support. I rub my forehead, deperstly trying to think. I know I should go with pete, but I need to run.
"I'm sorry Pete."
"No Mandy don't"
I turn and run out the door.

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Let me know what you think? If you like this try others I've written here.

JB

When Jonathan Brandis died back in 2003, I was deeply, deeply affect. It was something I could never explain. I just was.

Last night I had a dream about him. I remember it so vividly. I remember his smell, his touch, his voice, his eyes, even now as I remember the dream and write it here I smile. I wish I could say it was a happy dream, but it wasn't. I found him hanging. By a tree near a waterfall. I climbed that tree, cut him doen thus saving him. We sat there and talked. We talked about how he felt, how many times he's tried something like this before. The number he came out with supprised me a great deal. He took my hand and we walked, then he grabbed my other arm and carried me on his back. I can still fill his arms, his breathing, feel his breathing underneath me. I smiled, and I could feel him smile. We sat on the bonnet of my car "Wolenczak", which he commented on and thought it was great. I told him that he needed talk to me when he felt like this, he said he would from now on, providing I did. Then I said it. "How can I when your dead." At that moment I knew I was dreaming but I didn't want to wake up, so I stayed there. Turning this dream into a lucid dream. I put my face in his cupped hands and said "You make me as real as you need me to be. Just like you always have." "I can't now though, not now you're dead." I cry. "Don't cry. " he smiled. "As long as you need me I will be here." We hug then. We sit there for an age like this watching the sunset over the waterfall. I don't want to wake up. I tell him that. He tells me that I have to and it's okay because he's always there with me.

It's one of the nicest yet horrific dream I've ever had. I still don't know what to make of it.

Body update

I am feeling better. I spent the entire weekend in bed, having many, many hot baths. Hot lemony drinks, ODing on vitimin and mineral tablets. Eating so much fruit it was un heard off.

Unfortunalty though I did not manage to go up to see my sister. Apparently all the approriate "aww" "hope she feels better soon" was made and then they went out to lunch.

I'm having half day at work today, and seeing if I feel up to going into London later on today.

We have snow here today, which is not fantastic me, especially since my immune system is down anyway, the chances of me getting the flu again, or a cold or worse still a chest infection are significantly increased. We'll have to see. The next few days should be interesting.

In the meantime I must get back to work and finish off this report or else I'm never going to get a job.

Flu

I appoligise that I've not posted sooner, but I have had flu. I'm awake for an hour then sleep three. The worse part is that I'm meant to be visiting my sister today. But I really don't think I'm up to it.

As soon as I'm awake for more than an hour, I will post, I promise.

What is wrong with me?

Before I get started can I just say how disppointed I am in the 25 songs. Only one person had a go. Gee, usless the lot of ya!

So a couple months back I wrote this. I still can't being myself to tell you all what it is I want to bad, but I promise you it is not self-harming. It's not taking my own life. I found a website that was dedicated to images of what I want happening to me. Through those images I could imagine me in that place.

I am a real freak for wanting this so bad. But when it's a feeling that takes over your whole body, that you want it so badly that you ache, surely it can't be wrong to want something like this.

It would be so much easier to tell you all what this thing is, but I can't. I've never told anyone. I've written short stories about it, I've dreamt about it, but I have never actually told anyone about my secret desire. It's not sexual, it's just something I want. Something I need to have happen to me.

God, I'm such a freak! Part of me wants this desire to go away, while the main part of me just wants it to grow and for it to happen. I wish, almost on a daily basis, that it could happen to me. What is wrong with me?

Last Weekend

Was absoluly frelling brilliant!

The retreat was a complete sucess. People want more. I'm hoping for our second retreat in six months, give or take.

The guy I got stressed out over, didn't come. I have never prayed so hard, or been so thankful for anything in my entire life. I keep thanking God for this guy not coming. Although I'm sure God wants him to come back to church, I just couldn't cope.

But I'm still buzzing from the retreat. Now I have lots of work to do. If I can hand in my report over the next week or so, the sooner I know if we're getting a youth worker and if it's me.

Buzzing, buzzing, buzzing.

There I've posted. Will try and post more over the coming months.