I have to do something

"Doing all I can do just to be close to you
Every time that we meet I skip a heartbeat
Always up for a laugh, she's a pain in the ass
Every time that we meet I skip a heartbeat"
Scouting for girls: Heartbeat

Regardless how hard I can try I can't get S out of my system. I joined an online dating site but every time I see someone I compare them to S. When I ever I meet any guy I compare them with S. If I've not seen him for a while he takes my breath away. I have never known anyone who could do that to me. Other people I've had feelings for they would excite me but never make me loose my head or my breath but S can.

I know that I can't carry on like this. I know this, I really do. I need to ask him on a date, I need to know one way or another how he feels about me but I just can't do it. I don't want to lose our thing we've got. I don't want to feel awkward around him, I don't want to be embarrassed. I know that if I ask him he'll tell me he doesn't have feelings for me like that, I know this to be true. There is no other way this will play out I honestly know this. But while I don't know, and while I don't ask him I have my day dream. I can pretend just for a little while longer.

Regardless how crap I feel he can make me smile, he can make me laugh. He can make me feel like I'm worth something. I know that I can't gage myself esteem on how someone makes me feel. I have to feel good about myself, by myself. But having someone who can boost that can't be bad! He makes me feel special. I can be honest and open with him. I can relax around him.

I know I have to do something, I honestly do. I just don't know how, I can't do it. I look at him and the words don't come. Like some much about me I don't have the guts to do it. I'm so pathetic. How hard can it be to say, 'I have feelings for you, do you fancy a date.' I want him so much.