Weather

I feel that the weather changed at the right moment for me. Without the change my depressive state would have continued and I dread to think what state I would be in at this moment.

Looking back on what was happening to me I am extremely grateful for the support, and in some cases.the protection, they provided to help me cope with my work and everything else.

My depression cycle is something that I will never be rid off but with friends like I have discovered recently that I have make it just a little easier to know that I will make it through.

P.s. can I please have the sun and heat back.

Neverending cycle

I hate the Neverending cycle of depression. Please make it either go away or just kill me. I can't do this for the rest of my life.

I. Hate titles

So I started to feel better after my cut-a-thon so I told a couple of people I trust about what I had done. I though it would make me feel better it didn't I now feel worse than I did before. I am now cutting more, I think about it constantly and the fact I can't cut for most of the day it puts me in a bad mood.

So what happened to me in the course of a few hours has not helped my mood in any way shape or form.

I had a dermatologist appointment at 4pm. Didn't get seen until 4.45. At this point I know that I won't make the team meeting at 5pm which will get me into trouble as I missed last month's due to a dermatologist appointment. As a result if I missed today's I will get slapped with a non compliance/disciplinary. I get out at 5 from the hospital so I bombed it over to work for two minutes of the meeting. Not amused. There are other people who have missed way more meetings than me and yet they got off scott free (the one-rule-for-me-one-rule-for-you syndrome at.wirk is out of hand). So I now wasted such petrol its crazy.

The doctor basically admitted to me that me has no idea what is wrong with my skin. He was surprised when I told him the original location (which I have many times). He scratched his head and told me he would refer me to a different department and couldn't understand why I had been reffered to him. He recommended things which if he.bothered to read my notes he would have know the doctors had done everyone of.thise things. So he gave me some antihistamines which the doctor gave me at the beginning of my issues ten months ago. I told him they don't work but he gave them to me anyway. Git.

I have also lost my annual leave because some idiot decided to turn my sick days (which we don't get paid for) into annual days. So I have basically been forced into taking annual leave back in October. I am exhausted. I need some time off. I think I am getting my teaching quals then get a job in a location that actually gives a fuck about their staff although that seems to be a think of the past. These days it's all about squeezing the last drop of blood and sweat out of their staff. To hell with anything else.

Everything pisses me off at the moment and I can't cope with it. I know what I'm doing tonight.