Holy Crap on a Stick

What in God's name is  going on.

I have been manic but happy for the past 8 weeks.  I have had a lot of energy but have been coping with it, using it productively.

I went out tonight, as I always do on a Monday to do my gaming thing.  I really enjoyed myself in the beginning and was having a lot of fun.  Then suddenly it call came crashing down around me.  Now all I want to do is cry, something I haven't done in many, many, many months and cut.

I don't understand why.

If I give in that's it, I'll have to start the fight all over again.  I don't want to do that.   But I can't handle how I feel right now.  Damned if I do, damned if I don't.