The hardest thing in this world is to live in it

I don't want to feel anything today
(I don't want to feel anything today)
Anything at all and just be alone
(I just want to know that you want to know)
I don't want to live through another day
(I don't want to live through another day)
Meaningless to fight for the victory
I just want to dive in the heart of misery

One love, One life, Locked me in the heart of misery
One loss, one fight, Locked me in the heart of misery

I will never be anything again
(I will never be anything again)
I'm tired to give, I don't want to try
(I'm afraid to live, I'm afraid to die)
I just want to fly, throw it all away
(I just want to fly, throw it all away)
Meaningless to fight for your sympathy
I just want to drown in the heart of misery

One love, One life, Locked me in the heart of misery
One loss, one fight, Locked me in the heart of misery

One man forgot to breathe

One heart refused to beat
One love is incomplete

One love, one life, Locked me in the heart of misery
One loss, one fight, Locked me in the heart of misery

One love, One life, Locked me in the heart of misery
One loss, One fight, Locked me in the heart of misery

Ah ah, ah ah In the heart of misery
Ah ah, ah ah In the heart of misery

Heart of Misery: The Rasmus

I know I have said this before, but I'm going to say it again.  I really miss my depression.  I miss that feeling of hopelessness, I miss that feeling of wanting to give up.  Most days I find myself wishing I was depressed because at least that way I could validate the feeling that I was useless and that I didn't want need to get out of bed.  I honestly feel that although I was dangerous when I was in a depressive state I was actually more productive.  I used to write, I used to play my instruments, I would play on my consoles against friends and I would talk to people on MSN or Yahoo. 

Now though I am shutting myself down.  I don't write as much as I used to, I struggle to write anything, as much as I want to I just can't seam to get myself into that zone, I also don't have the ideas like I used to.  I equally have stopped talking to people on the messengers and I don't talk to people in reality either.  I just sit in my room, watching TV or sleeping.

I miss crying, I miss cutting, I miss what my life was.  I honestly believe that my life was better before I had therapy.  People say I am better now, that I'm a better person now.  I'm not so sure.  I'm not convinced.  I honestly think I preferred the depressed me and all that I had.

I feel like I'm dead, I feel as though nothing matters.  I wish I had never got better.