Stupid, stupid me!!!!

How stupid could I be
A simpleton could see
That you're no good for me
But you're the only one I see
Stupid: Sarah McLachlan

So I'm not exactly proud of myself, but at the same time I am.  I haven't been coping at all well lately and I know that.  However, last night I drank a fair bit and I took three of my painkillers.  Not enough for me to get completely off my face but just enough that I could buzz away quite happily for the night.  I know I'm on a dangerous path here, but I don't know what else to do.  I don't trust anyone to talk to, I don't want to go back for counselling because I just don't have anything to talk about.  I don't know what's going on in my head and why I'm feeling like this.  I just know that last  night I felt quite happy for a while.

Still need to sleep though.