Oh shite!

I have found myself planning my time around the best time for me to get 'stoned' on my little concoction... even though last Friday I got it wrong and I became very ill and remember very little I still want it, I want to be that way again. I'm trying to plan the best time to do it, when The Boys are out, when I don't have to get up early the next day, trying to find the best time to do it so I can be alone and no one will find out. I need to get the pills and I need to get the alcohol but planning all this I am.

I remember back in Uni I started cutting then went on to the P&A concoction, then when I started coming out of it I cut again and then I stop. Neither of these are right, I know that, you know that, we all know that but here I am unable to stop. I need them to just block everything out for a while, so that I can dream, so that I can sleep, so that I don't need to feel.