Self-Esteem

Self esteem is a funny old thing. At the weekend our music group played at a very special mass, it was the first holy communion mass. So many people can up to me saying how fantastic the music was, how much they enjoyed it, how it was really suitable for the day. I was happy, embaressed by happy. I felt so high I felt I could fly. I was really glad it was enjoyed by all. Then it happened, One person, just One person made a comment about how they wanted to have the traditional hymns. Because of one persons comments I can crashing down to earth, and felt like I had failed. In essence that one persons comments should not affect how I feel about how everything went, because 99% of the people enjoyed the music, and believed it all fell into place nicely, and that it was appropriate. Because of one person comments I felt like shit. Because of one person I felt like I had failed. Because of one person I wanted to cry. It really shouldn't bother me but it does. I have low self esteem at the best of times, so when I feel good about myself I would really rather not have any negative comments said, because I take them to heart, and it's always those I remember.

I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could only remember what the postive comments were, but I forget those so quickly, that all I have are the negative comments. Everytime I try and do something all those negative comments come back to haunt me, I hear them every time. I wish I could change.