dang!

I suspect that last night has become the beginning of the end for me.  Last night I did something I am not proud of, but still it was something that I needed to do.  Last night I started to cry, I don't know what brought the tears, but they came from the depth of my soul.  They came from a place where the darkness lives.  I cried like I haven't done in a very long time.  Tears of pain, tears of utter sadness.  It was uncontrollable and unstoppable.  I don't know what triggered it.  The only reason I stopped though is because I started scratching.  The joy and comfort that offered me was unreal.  It was amazing!  I kept going until my hand started weeping.

This morning, as you can imagine, my hand is swollen and very sore.  The weeping sections of my hand have started to scab over.  Which means I need to cover up which is annoying.  It's so painful this morning, it's unreal.  I don't ever remember the pain being this bad.

I hate the fact that I did it, but it was the only way the tears were going to stop!!!!