Oops I'm doing it again

I had a review yesterday of my performance in my two weeks in my new job.  It wasn't good.  They don't like the fact I know my limitations and will voice something I know, from experience I can't do.  However they want me to ignore all of this and attempt to see through my limitations and go a head and do these things anyway.  It's crazy.  It's not like they've even asked me, they just demand it.

They pointed out that in my interview I said that I would never ask someone to do something I wasn't prepared to do myself... which is true, but the flip side of that is the fact that you have to understand people's limitations and adapt around those limitations.  You can not ask someone to flourish in a place where they concentrate only on limitations! Can you?

Until this point I was more than happy, I felt I was doing okay, knew I was struggling in some areas but didn't know that they were so unhappy with me.  I have been struggling with their prayer.  They have turned very, very, very traditional!!! Unbelievably so.... to the point I have to more or less sit in silence for the best part of an hour..... it's so hard!!!  I don't get a lot out of it, even their praise and worship is slow and quiet which is no so nice.

So once again I feel as though I have made the wrong decision and am fucking up my life again!!! When will I find somewhere that works, that is right.  I want to find somewhere that will except me as me and not as they expect people to be or their idea of what someone should be.

It's been so long since I've felt like I have a home, where I can be me completely and utterly, where I can feel so comfortable that I don't need my walls or my barriers any more.  I can feel them going up again, I can feel me pulling away from people.  I can feel myself not wanting to be part of the world again.  After fighting so hard to try and be part of it, I know want to run away again.

I'm tired of having to suppress so much of me to fit in, for people to except me, just so I can be a stereotype.  Am I wrong to want to be myself? Am I wrong to want to be comfortable with people around me? Why am I always in the wrong?