I know I don't post here often, 
but then again I feel most of the time 
I don't need to post here. 
On the whole I can post on my normal blog 
and everything is fine, 
but for some reason I can't post everything 
I want to post on that blog. 
I think it's because I've let too many people who 
*know* me know of this blog, 
and I can't post what I want to post there.

As a result this blog has tended to be very negative, 
and I'm afraid it ain't ever going to change. 
I like having this blog here to get rid of all my negative feelings. 
If you feel you can't read something  negative, 
tough luck.  
It ain't going to change.

My life has it's ups and downs, they all do I know that, I've excepted that.  
But because I've been depressed I tend to take things too seriously and too personally.  
I know I do but it still doesn't stop one from  feeling like crap when things go wrong.

For instance at the moment I just feel as though the world is going on around me and 
I'm looking in at the window wishing I was there.  
No matter how hard I try to get in and be apart of if, I just break the window and another window comes up in it's place and there I am again wishing I was part of the world I am looking in on through the window.  

I know I shouldn't complain.  
I do have a life, of sorts, granted 80% is based on the net through my role playing,
but I have a life,
I know many people don't have anything but the TV.  
I have more than that, but that doesn't keep you warm on a night,
can't hold you when you're crying,
can't cheer you up when you're feeling like shit.   
As much as I hate to admit it everyone, 
inclidng myself, 
needs someone, 
someone to hold, 
someone to share their life.  
What is that quote from 'About A Boy'?... I remember.... 'No man is an island'.   

It's true, and I hate it.  
No man is an island,
everyone needs something,
but how can you have something when something comes and fucks it up.  
I can't keep going like this, it's driving me nuts.  
I want a solid group of friends.    
I want to be apart of the world not looking in on it.  
I don't want to be pushed aside because I have faith,
because I have morals,
because I am single.  
Am I wrong for wanting this?  
Am I wrong to feel that at some point I should be important to some people,
as a friend,
as a human being?