Cutting

I recently found myself cutting again after nine months of being clean. I had, had a really bad night, and a worse day, I was washing up and saw a knife. So I cut the palm of my hand just to see what it felt like. It felt good.

I stopped then as someone walked into the office. So I only have one small cut. Which no one can see. But the fact remains that nine months of being clean, I cut. I've even started taking an anti depressant again to help me get from one day to the next.

I really though I was over all of this, but obversly I'm not. Maybe depression is something I will have to live with my entire life, and I won't ever get over it. I just hate the thought that I will have bad moments in my life time and time again.