Sex and Relationships

I came to terms a long time ago that I was not a relationship sort if person.
I had terrible mood swings, awful depression and then there was the self harming and suicide attempts. I knew no one would put up with that. I could barelt put up with it so why should they.

A few months ago this guy joined my gaming group.  Very quickly we had a very touchy feeling flirting and teasing friendship. When we were alone together he would tickle me whuch he knew I hated so we would end up play fighting. We would chat into the early hours of the morning.

A wee while a go a mutual friend asjed if there was flirting between me and this guy and I catagorically said that there was nothing going on between us now or in the future. I was clear on this.

Well that changed, we are seeing each other and he has broken every barrior, wall I have ever made for myself and filled in all the moats getting to those walls and barriers. I've never known anything like it. I sleep in his bed, he holds me close and we have sex, something I thought I would never do, and occasionally we actually sleep.  The first 2 nights we had together was just us sleeping. Then the foreplay started that moves on to the sex. It still hurts but each time it's less and less and I'm beginning to enjoy the intercourse but what that man can do with a finger is so much better than the intercourse at the moment so he does that a lot for me and I keep trying with the intercourse. I never thought I would have this.

He moves away in September and we don't know what will happen so right now we are just enjoying every moment we can get. In the past week I have spent 1 night at mine and 0 nights alone.

I quite enjoy this and it has surprised me in the most pleasant of ways.